Best 100 Whatsapp Jokes In All Time (2020)

WhatsApp status is the best way to express who you are. It truly is an expression, written and in an exact way to share one’s ideas, views and feelings in an innovative way. These best 100 Whatsapp jokes in english, could express much with their little figure! So let’s have a look following Whatsapp jokes which is too eye-catching, perfect and finest.

  1. Justice is a best served meal as cold If it were served as warm it would be just water.
  2. My grandpa always used to say “as one door closes, another opens”.
  3. A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.
  4. Working at an unemployment office must be so tense.
  5. Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
  6. My bother always says “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
  7. How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
  8. Tell her a joke on Wednesday
  9. Cooked funny bone, becomes a laughing stock.
  10. I always knock on the fridge before I open it.
  11. Just in case there’s a salad dressing.
  12. When I was younger my parents sent me to a child psychologist.
  13. That kid didn’t help at all.
  14. Two Police Officers Crash Their Car Into A Tree. After the crash, one of them says, “Great, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
    1. Wait for Me Honey, I’m Just Finishing My Make-Up.
    2. You Don’t Need Make-Up, Jane.
    3. Oh, Richard…. Really? That Is So Sweet Of You!
    4. You Need Plastic Surgery.
  15. My daughter wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told her to leave me alone and when she did, father- asked why she was ignoring me
    1. Husband- Dear you have received an invitation for a wedding
    2. Wife answered- Maybe next time. Thanks
  16. I tried to re-marry my ex-husband. But he figured out I was only after my money
  17. Marriage is and institution of three rings. Engagement ring, Wedding ring and suffering
  18. Darling, Can I go out in this dress. Yes dear it’s already dark out there
  19. I’m just thinking about what an amazing friend I am. You should feel lucky to have someone as beautiful as me in your life, I hope you understand that. Don’t you ever let me go.
  20. Hakuna Matata! I’ve just realized that you are Pumbaa to my Timon. When life says “what?!”, we always turn it into “so what!”. Also, you are just as big and stinky as Pumbaa is. Just kidding, buddy, relax.
  21. I wish you could understand how hard it is to be friends with someone like you through all these years. Oh, poor me! You wouldn’t be able to make it this far. Okay, don’t be mad! I still love you, bud.
  22. Your sense of humor is just as ridiculous as mine. This is the only reason I keep you. Nobody else can understand my jokes. Okay, I still love you, mate.
  23. I asked my wife to dress like a doctor tonight to fulfil my fantasy that we have healthcare.
  24. I thought I won an argument with my wife about how to rearrange our furniture, but when I got home, the tables were turned
    1. Me: I race cars. Her:
    2. Do you win many races?
    3. Me: No, the cars are much faster. My wife just opened the car door for me. It might have been a nice gesture had we not been driving at 70 mph. 
  25. I want to lose weight, but I hate losing.
  26. I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.
  27. As your regular customer, why can’t you give me some discount dear daily problems 
  28. Follow my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
  29. Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.
  30. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  31. I Just saw the most fabulous person when I was in front of the mirror 
  32. You can never buy love, but still you have to pay for it.
  33. I’m really poor I can’t even pay attention!
  34. I’m too lazy to stop being lazy.
  35. I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
  36. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
  37. I’m not lethargic, I’m on energy saving mode.
  38. I’m not lethargic I like the term “selective participation”.
  39. I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.
  40. I’m not running away from hard work as I’m too lazy to run.
  41. Laziness is the god of all bad habits, but ultimately he is a god and we should respect him!
  42. Never give up on your dreams keep sleeping.
  43. Shopping is an art. I am an artist. Respect Please.
  44. Need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
  45. I Love my carrier only when I’m on vacation.
  46. Always I approach at the office lately, but I correct it by leaving early.
  47. The most beautiful three words which wants to hear for a married woman than i love you is No Cooking Today
  48. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
  49. Behind every successful man there is a woman rolling her eyes.
  50. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. She can move the head anywhere she wants.
  51. I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist. I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
  52. In every house husband is the boss, wife is just the decision maker.
  53. Women’s everlasting theory I’m sorry, but it was your fault.
  54. Everybody thinks I am athletic… I surf the Internet every day.
  55. When I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up 
  56. I need someone to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
  57. When you get richer, the more expensive happiness becomes.
  58. I dream of being a millionaire always like my aunty! She’s dreaming too.
  59. I prefer talking to myself as I am my own consultant.
  60. My friends say I’m crazy I prefer to hear mentally hilarious.
  61. The most embarrassing thing I ever tried was being normal.
  62. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  63. Hey there! Whatsapp is using me.
  64. Hey, you are reading my status again?
  65. Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my Whatsapp status.
  66. Hello there, I’m talking to you, why are you reading my status?
  67. Hey you, yeah you. The one reading this. Wanna know a secret? You’re beautiful. Don’t ever give up.
  68. I think my neighbour is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
  69. My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. At the moment he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
  70. I got news that my boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
  71. The problem with burglary is that they always take things literally
  72. Please sit on my lap darling and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up
  73. To golf the way I do ,t takes a lot of balls 
  74. One of my friend  trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him
  75. My father is schizophrenia, but he’s good people.
  76. I am going to tell you a joke about my vagina, but you will never get it.
  77. Does my wife think I’m a control freak? I haven’t decided yet.
  78. Do you know what this shirts made out of? Boyfriend material.
  79.  Who has connections to Connecticut? That’s a place where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods.
  80. “Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.” 
  81.  When I go through my family tree and found out that I was the sap
  82.  I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I told ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.
  83. There’s a reason why it’s called ‘girls gone wild’ and not ‘women gone wild’. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When woman goes wild, kill husband and her kids in a tub
  84. “I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class that if one more person talks, everybody is going to jail.
  85. I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens
  86. “Excuse me sir, could you tell me the way to the cemetery?” “Do you see that curve? Well, you go straight ahead!”
  87. I had constipation problems, but as soon as I saw you I solved it
  88. “How are you? Today I heard that a body was found without a brain, please tell me you’re okay.”
  89. Is it true that carrots are good for your eyesight? Yeah Sure! Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
  90. Once a dog was in front of a Christmas tree. “Finally, they put lights in the bathroom!”
  91. I am originally from Indiana. I know most of you are thinking: Indiana 
  92. Two blondes are in the woods to look for a Christmas tree. After two hours of intense searching, one says to the other: “I’ve had enough! We take the next tree we see even if it has no decorations.”
  93. A dog is walking with a bone in its mouth. It meets a cat who asks it: “Why do you keep the bone in your mouth?” It replies: “Because I don’t have pockets.”
  94. Doctor-Tell me what the problem is The patient begins to touch several part of his body saying, “I feel so much pain here, here, there… but also here, there, here, and there… what happened to me?” The doctor replied: “Idiot! Don’t you see that you broke your toe?!”
  95. Teacher asked one of the student, what is the longest word in the English language? One boy says ‘Smiles’ as there is one mile distance between its first and last letters.
  96. How was your dinner in the outdoor restaurant? Bad, it started to rain, and it took me an hour to finish the broth! “I think I’m a dog …”.“Lie down on the couch …”.“Oh! Thank you! At home, they don’t let me lie on the sofa!”
  97. 100.one day a little boy came home from school and said to his mother, I hate my sister’s guts. All right, answered his mother, I won’t put them in your sandwiches again.

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