Funny Jokes

Top 50 Christmas Jokes for Kids & Adults (2023)

Christmas is celebration time in a year. We can enjoy a lot. There are so many things to enjoy. To that list add our Christmas jokes for Kids & Adults too. Go through our whole article Top 50 Christmas jokes. I’m sure it will be so difficult to pick one only. Make Christmas day unforgettable. 

  1. Two friends meet, and one says to the other: You know, bedbugs got on my sofa this Christmas. Then I poisoned them. But nothing helps. The other one says: You bring the couch outside to the Frost. It should help. Then he replies: It does not help, and bedbugs bring the sofa back.
  2. A boy shouts: Santa Claus, please give me the Lego constructor. His mother consoles: Don’t shout like that. Santa Claus will even hear a whisper. Then he says: Yes, but dad closed in his room, and might not have heard
  3. I love Christmas because I receive a lot of beautiful presents. And also I can’t wait to exchange it.
  4. A husband is a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24th to do his Christmas shopping.
  5. Anyone who believes that men are equal to women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
  6. What I don’t like about the office at Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day.
  7. Santa Claus takes the right decision. Because he visits people once a year.
  8. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start buying clothes for Christmas yourself!
  9. Remember, Christmas isn’t about how big the tree is, or what’s under it. It’s about who’s around it.
  10. A man came to his friend: Unusually I didn’t eat anything all day, because the Christmas table is always full. But the aunt was extremely greedy, so I left the table almost hungry.
  11. Why does Catholic Santa Claus come for Christmas, and Orthodox Santa Claus for New Year? Answer: Because at Christmas he is not able to come. He is too drunk.
  12. At Christmas, two men were looking for a Christmas tree in the forest. An hour, two, three went. They got tired, and they say: You know, we will cut the first tree, even if it will not be decorated.
  13. A boy asks his friend: Do you hear the fairy tale about three pigs? The other one starts: Yes! Once upon a time, there were two little pigs. Then he asks: Where was the third one? Then the second one replies: That was Christmas time.
  14. A son-in-law came to his mother-in-law’s house for Christmas. He drank one glass of vodka, the second, third, and the fifth. His father-in-law asks: Well, drink another? Then the son replies: If I can get up now and walk at least a few steps, we will have another drink, but if I can’t, I’ll go home soon.
  15. A husband asks: Beloved, what would you like for the Christmas present? Wife replies: Maybe we’ll see some of the furs? Then he says: Right! Only if you get ready soon. Otherwise, the zoo will close soon.  
  16. Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is your list of girls who misbehaved.
  17. Why does Santa Claus put candy in a sock, and under the tree? Because children will never eat candy from socks
  18. Santa Claus sits in his house in front of the fireplace and starts to read letters from children with orders for Christmas gifts. Then an elf comes with a handset in his hand: Santa, here I have Bill Clinton on the line, asking what you mean by “bad deeds”?
  19. Mom asked her son: What are you doing? The boy replied: I am writing a letter to Santa! Mom said: How cute! What are you writing? Son replied: If you, bastard, do not fulfill my requirements, you will receive the head of your beloved deer in a package in a week.
  20. Santa is so funny mainly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  21. Santa Claus flies over Africa, giving gifts. But there are children, swollen from hunger. So they stand and shout to him: Santa, Santa, what did you bring for us? Santa Claus says strictly like this: I don’t give gifts to children who eat poorly!
  22. Do you believe in the existence of Santa Claus? A guy answered: Santa Claus does not exist! Santa Claus told me about this.
  23. Famous sign: If you see a calm Santa Claus, it is most likely Santa Claus!
  24. What will European Santa Claus do after the New Year holidays? The same as all Europeans. He will fly into the pipe.
  25. A man decided to surprise his wife. Before Christmas, he dressed as Santa Claus and knocked on the door. His wife opened the door. Suddenly the wife said: Well, come to me, my dear! She closed the door quickly. She hugged and kissed him and then took him to the bedroom. After that, she began to undress and take off his clothes and beard. Suddenly Wife shouts God! So is that you? 
  26. Before Christmas, the teacher asks the children: Tomorrow, we will celebrate Christmas. Do you know where Jesus Christ is now? A boy, Kane: He is in my heart! A girl, Lina: He is in heaven! Little Jonny: He is in our house in the toilet! The teacher says: What?? Little Johnny: In every morning, dad runs to the toilet, pulls the handle, then punches the door and yells: Lord Jesus! Are you still there?
  27. On Christmas Evening, the CEO visited the managers in the office. On the tables, there were full of vodka, snacks. Everyone was smoking. The director says, angrily: I banned drinking and smoking at work! Suddenly one of the soberest employees got up and said: Chef, damn it, and who is working?
  28. On Christmas night, any girl can find out the name of her engagement. How? Wake up at three or four in the morning and look at his passport.
  29. On Christmas morning, the husband asks his wife, Honey, is it true that dreams can be a reality on Christmas night? The wife says: Yes, darling. Why did you ask like that? Then he replies: Today, I dreamed that I gave you a very simple Christmas gift and you were so happy with him.
  30. The evening before Christmas, a married couple hurries home with lots of bags. Under the wall is a man who has gathered up. The husband complains with anger: That’s what happens always! All normal people are already walking and enjoying, and we still have everything at the last moment.
  31. Little Johnny tells his father: I want a real gun for Christmas! Father: What ??? Are you crazy? Again he replies: I want a gun, a real weapon. Then the father shouts: Stop yelling !!! Who is the head of the family in this house? Then Little boy, immediately quieting down: You are the head. But if I have a gun.
  32. For some reason, the birthday of Jesus Christ begins to be widely celebrated only after his death. 
  33. One little boy wanted to get a bike for Christmas. But his parents were poor and did not have money for gifts. His mother told him: Son, write a letter to Jesus, and perhaps a miracle will happen! The boy joyfully ran into the room, grabbed a piece of paper, a pen, and began to write: Dear Jesus, I promise that I will not do any wrong thing in the whole year. Then he looked at what was written and crossed out: I will be obedient for an entire month. He didn’t like this phrase either. Again I’ll be good for a week. The boy looked at what was written, then, with disgust, tore the paper, dressed quickly, and ran out into the street. The boy immediately ran to the church as soon as he could and grabbed the mother Mary statuette and flew away like a bullet. Once at home, he again took a piece of paper and began to write: “Jesus, if you want to see your mother …” 
  34. A wife asked from her husband: Honey, what will you give me for Christmas. He replies: Next year I will give you a white gold ring with a diamond! Then she asks: And what is for this year? He replies A kiss. 
  35. Christmas is such a time when you need to give love, warmth, attention. Well, or at least return the money!
  36. The door opens, and the Little Angel bursts in Hey, grandfather, where do we put the tree? Since then, the tradition has begun to set a little angel at the very top of the Christmas tree.
  37. Gifts are divided into those that you don’t like and those you don’t receive.
  38. Christmas was a holiday of peace and kindness until someone came up with the idea of ​​giving presents.
  39. Gifts should be bought at the last minute to avoid gathering among people who decide to buy gifts in advance.
  40. Does Santa Claus come for the Old New Year? He comes but brings only second-hand pieces.
  41. Santa Claus went towards a prostitute. She came and said: Hello, grandfather. He replies: Hello, granddaughter, But I don’t have a present for you. Then she said: No worries, Grandpa. I won’t refuse the money.a
  42. Darling, what will you give me for Christmas? Of course, you are, dear. 
  43. Why does Santa Claus go home with an empty bag? He collects empty bottles!
  44. Santa Claus! I am writing you a letter. Please bring me a cold yogurt and keep it under the Christmas tree!
  45. Jewish Santa Claus: Hello, kids, Come and buy presents!
  46. In kindergarten, there is a Christmas tree. The father says to his son: Son, you are already big. You must understand that there is no Santa Claus.
  47. Christmas is the day when anti-Semites celebrate a Jew’s birthday.
  48. A young but very ambitious couple remove the bed for Christmas.
  49. I hate children; I hate grandchildren! She knows that I have no teeth, But she gave me a chocolate bar with nuts for Christmas!
  50. An American businessman is asked what he loves more, sex or Christmas? He replies: Perhaps, Christmas. Because the Other one happens more often.

John Max

John Max is the founder of TimesHQ and former senior engineer of WhatsApp. He wrote many e books and well known for many mobile app developments. He is very professional in both software and mobile app development field. 

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