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- A schoolboy found a million bucks and handed them to the police. A crying mother pretended to be proud of him.
- The teacher wrote in the student’s diary: Mary is a terrible talker. The next day Mary returns the diary with her father’s reply: Then you should listen to her mother!
- Mom, why are you so angry? Did you fall off the broom?
- A son asks his mom: Mom, why does dad have so little hair on his head? Then mom replies: He thinks a lot. Suddenly he asks: Then why do you have so much hair on your head? Angry mom: Come on. Better eat your breakfast, son.
- A son asks his mother: Mom, is it true that I was born at night? Mom replies: Yes. Then he says: I hope I didn’t wake you.
- Mom, why did the stork bring a brother? But you found me in the cabbage? The stork dropped you.
- A boy says, Mom! The teacher told us to draw who we want to be. I didn’t do anything because I don’t know how to draw it. I want to get married.
- On January 1, a girl came home in the morning. Mother strictly asks her: With whom did you hang around all night? The daughter replies displeasedly: With Santa Claus. Then mom asks: Aren’t you ashamed to stagger with an older man? It is not known what can be expected of them. Then the daughter answers: Unfortunately, nothing but sweets, mother.
- In an apartment, a guy is drilling a wall with a puncher. His mother-in-law comes into the room and starts shouting at him: Go to eat son-in-law, I cooked! He stops the work and says: Mom, your bladdy yelling! The child is sleeping!
- According to a Dad, a bad joke is? When mom says she is taking birth control pills, and then you appear. According to a mom, a bad joke is? When a dad says that he runs the company, and after your birth, it turns out that this is a company of drinking friends.
- A guy went to a zoo with his son. His son pulled dad by the sleeve and said: Dad, Dad, look! Highlighted horse! Dad says tiredly: No, Son, this is a zebra. It is our mother, a highlighted horse.
- Why are you crying, Little Johnny? Mom told dad that he was a goat, and dad told mom that she was a cow. Well, so what? Suddenly crying boy asks: Then, who am I?
- Little Johnny comes to the pharmacy and asks: Do you have condoms? The pharmacist surprisingly says: Firstly, condoms are not for children, and secondly, tell dad to come and choose his size. To that, he replies: Firstly, condoms are not for children, but from children, and secondly, mom is not at home and still does not know what size it will be.
- A worried young mother is continually crying for her child at the pediatrician’s reception and asks: Doctor, tell me, is there anything against this? The doctor calmly replies: Yes, birth control.
- Once a daughter asks her mother: Mom, who is this hairy uncle with red eyes? Then her mom replies: It is your dad, daughter. Then she asks: Did he get sick? After that, mom says: No, he connected to the Internet.
- What is the difference between a mother and a terrorist? You can still agree with the terrorist.
- In a shop, a boy threatens his mother: Oh, so you do not want to buy me chocolate candy? Well, then, I will call my grandma.
- A friend comes and asks from another friend: Ah, I heard. You are getting married! How do you like your future wife? Then he answers: Oh, how many people? So many opinions. Mom likes it, but I don’t.
- A mom asks her first-grader on her first day of school: Well, how was your first day at school? Then little one replies soon: The first day? Don’t tell me that I have to go there again tomorrow!
- A boy says to his mom: Mom, the uncle does not have a single hair on his head. Suddenly, mom shouts: Shut up! Otherwise, the uncle will hear. Then he asks: But doesn’t he know that?
- A pregnant daughter calls her mother: Hello, mother, it seems to me that I’m starting to give birth! Then her mom asks: Daughter, be calm! Did you call an ambulance? Yes, mom. Then again, she asks: Did you get things together? Then her daughter replies: Yes, I took a laptop. I took a charger.
- A son comes and tells his mom: Mom, this is Leesha, she will live with us. She is a perfect, smart girl, does not drink, does not smoke, and I swear! Suddenly his mom replies: So with Masha, everything is clear, and who is she?
- My mom said: Yes, leave your laptop here. You will soon go to the toilet with this! She doesn’t know it yet.
- A Jewish boy visited the circus for the first time, came home, and with respect, told his mother: Mom, everything was so great! The performers, magicians, and the trainer with the tigers and the actors are so funny. In the second part, a motorcycle racer rode on the walls! When I grow up, I will also learn to ride a motorcycle and get attraction like that! A wise mother answers: Son, a Jew on a bike is already an attraction, why else ride on the walls?
- Son, I’m playing football with you, going fishing, and you’re still unhappy. Why are you sad? A man in the role of father and mother.
- Mom, mom, I was bitten by a snake, I urgently need a medicine. Then mom says: Okay, son, I’ll buy it now, but it’s like your birthday.
- A girl says to her mom: Mom! My lips are weathered! Then mom replies: I told you. Winter is outside! Babies need to be covered!
- A daughter says to her mom: Mom, I’m pregnant. Then mom asks: You already have a fourth child, and that’s all from John! Why didn’t you marry him yet? Then she answers: I do not like him.
- An angry son: Mom, look, soup! Do you have any bread? Mom says: Eat without bread!
- A teacher asks an absent student: Why weren’t you at school yesterday? Then the boy says: We have an addition to the family. The teacher asks: Wow, Brother, or sister? Then the boy replies: No, Mom finally got married.
- A taxi driver took the passengers, a woman with a child. After they get on the taxi, and the child talks to himself: Now, if my dad was an elephant, and my mother is an elephant, then I would be an elephant; if dad was a wolf, the mother is a wolf, I would be a wolf. A taxi driver is already tired and asks: Listen, boy, if your dad was a goat, and the mother is also a goat, who would you be? The clever boy answered: A taxi driver
- After lunch, I complain that my child does not help me at all with washing dishes. And it’s like domestic slavery every day. My daughter looks at me in amazement and then says: Mom, get all the dishes dirty again! I’ll wash them again!
- The party is good. But at home, mom doesn’t allow.
- A boy asks his mom: Mom, what does the car eat? Gasoline. Again he asks: Drink? Also gasoline. Suddenly he says: Just like in kindergarten—everyday breakfast.
- A mom asks his son to test him: Little Johnny, if an uncle gave you candy, what will you say? Suddenly he says A night with mom costs $ 100. Then angry mom: Aren’t you ashamed, idiot? Without understanding anything, he asks again: Should I be ashamed, mommy?
- Mom, why are there two drunken grandfathers sleeping in my bedroom? Yesterday was your grandmother’s birthday.
- A son writes a letter to his mother from Africa: Dear mother, Ann gave birth to my son while I was on a business trip. She says that he was born white, but since she did not have milk and was fed by a black woman. Then he turned black. Mother’s answer was: Dear son when I gave birth to you, I also didn’t have any milk, and a cow fed you, but your horns grew up only after the 33rd year of life!
- A tired surgeon finally leaves the operating room. A joyfully well-dressed man comes hurriedly to him and says: Thank you very much for my mother, professor. I owe you an unpaid debt. Then the doctor asks: Excuse me, are you a son or a son-in-law of that operated patient?
- A guy says: Lucia, we can’t meet anymore, I have a permanent woman, which is serious. Then his girlfriend understands him and asks: Did your mom return from the home?
- A student writes to his mother: Mommy, send me warm socks, but just wrap them so that they do not get dirty from cheese and sausage.
- A student arrives home after the holidays and shouts from the doorway: Mom, now I have a boy. Mom replies: My joy, where does he study? Then she replies: What are you? He is only two months old!
- A girl comes home: Mom, that john asked me to climb a tree. Then mom replies: Daughter, he wanted to see your panties. The next day the girl comes home and happily says mom: Mom, today also john asked me to climb a tree, but I was smart. I hid my panties in my pocket.
- My advice to all of my friends: Please do not pick up when my mother calls. You can not answer her. After all, after the tenth call, I am pretended as missing or lie with my throat cut.
- How many times has your mother been married? I’m even uncomfortable to say. But still Once.
- A wife shouts: You bastard! Scoundrel! I’m leaving you! It’s over between us! Give me money for a ticket, Bastard; I’m going for mom. Her husband gives the money to her and asks: What about a return ticket?
- I helped my son of 5 years old to dress for school yesterday. My husband passed by and started making jokes about our son: Oh, little boy! Mom dresses you! Our son’s answer was: Oh, oh, you sleep with your mother every day, like a little one!
- Mom, can my friends come to our home today? It’s impossible. We haven’t filled our refrigerator for your friends!
- A son asks mom: Mom, do angels fly? Yes, darling. But why? The son replies: Yesterday, dad called our maid an angel. So when will she fly? Angry mom replies Tomorrow morning.
- A daughter asks her mother: Mom, why does Santa Claus have a red nose? Then mom replies: Come on. You have not seen the rest.
- A mom is calling her son to send him to school: Little Johnny, you have to go to school! Then lazy boy: Mom, I have a temperature of thirty-six and that and six! Then mom replies: It is a reasonable temperature. Wow, it’s normal. In total, forty-two!
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