Funny Jokes

Top 50 Halloween Jokes For Kids & Adults in 2020

Halloween is the most famous festival celebrated each year on October 31. The tradition started with the ancient Celtic festival of Lord of Darkness where people would burn fires and wear clothes like ghosts. So Let’s make this evening very funny with our Halloween Jokes. Below is our Top 50 Halloween Jokes! Have fun!

  1. Halloween tonight! In the evening I will dress up in a blanket and go to sleep. 
  2. On Halloween, children dress up as evil spirits and beg for sweets. In the Girl’s world, this is the only day of the year when you can see girls begging.
  3. I’ll come for Halloween in a Monday costume.
  4. What is Halloween? Well, this is when all the witches, princes, mermaids get together and celebrate a function. Same as March 8!
  5. Two men are talking: I have a terrible wife, well, very scary. But yesterday, I had to do all the home cleaning. Another friend asks: Why did you decide to do that? After Halloween.
  6. Yesterday you celebrated Halloween, and today you are the same scary just like that.
  7. For Halloween party, the Girl in the store is choosing a costume: How much does a mermaid costume cost? The shop owner says seven thousand. Then she asks: Expensive! What about a bat costume? Then he says five thousand. The Girl says: It’s also expensive, but this witch costume? Then he says: Girl, this is a picture.
  8. What is the difference between a fairy and a witch? The number of years of living.
  9. A wife says to her husband: I want you to give me flowers every day, and not just March 8. Then he says: I want you to be a witch only on Halloween, and not every day.
  10. A boy asks from his father: Dad, doesn’t a witch exist? Father, says looking at his mother-in-law: I also thought so when I was little.
  11. Little Johnny did not talk until five years old. And suddenly at breakfast in Halloween, he says: Why didn’t they put sugar in my tea? Happy parents say before they put it: But why were you silent before?
  12. Witch Wife says to her husband while flying on a broomstick: Buy me a carpet!
  13. A Fool is walking through the forest. He comes to a girl and says: I have two news for you, good and evil. Where to start? She says: With a good one! He replies: I will not die. I am the Immortal! Then she says: Uh, it’s gone! Well, now come to bad! Then he says: I am the Dracula.
  14. There is a young vampire in the woods. An old vampire is sitting in front of a girl tied to a tree. And he asks the young: Why are you lying? Young says: I am hungry. Old says: Cut her neck and drink all the blood! Then he says: I can’t. All teeth came out. Old one says: Then tear her breast and rip out her heart. Then young answers: I can’t. All nails were sharpened. Suddenly the old guy asks: Why are you sitting and waiting? Then the young one says: For a Month.
  15. A vampire only drinks the blood of his victims in natural conditions. But now he hast to abandon this horrible habit because now many people have AIDS or diabetes. You won’t need a certificate from every bite. Also, documents are often faked.
  16. Why do vampires consult dentists periodically? To improve the bite. Why don’t all ghosts go into the people on Halloween? Some of them simply have nothing to wear, no suitable body. Why are skeletons not afraid of anything? They have nothing to lose but their bones.
  17. Three bats hang on the seat, naturally, head down. One suddenly turns to head up. Again our homeowner, mad woman fainted.
  18. Funeral services agency advertisement: If You buy two coffins for adults during a year, then you get a coffin for a child for free!
  19. What can be called a witch who lives on the beach? Sand Witch.
  20. The most useless thing on earth is the fence in the cemetery! No one can go outside, and no one wants to go inside.
  21. A vampire is walking through the forest, sees a mermaid sitting on a tree, naturally naked. He asks: Why are you sitting naked? Then she replies: I’m not naked; I’m in a suit for reproduction.
  22. How did you spend Halloween? We dressed up as parents and sat with the child.
  23. Who will you be for Halloween? Technical Support Officer
  24. At night, in a Cemetery, A vampire slowly crawls out of his grave. A criminal who escaped from prison approaches him and says: Brother, I need to hide.
  25. The wizard is a witch who is not very lucky.
  26. A boy comes to a shop: Is the Halloween costume ready? The Shop owner asks: Who will you be? Then he says A ghost hunter of vampire and other evil spirits. The owner asks: Professor Van Hellsing? The boy suddenly says Scooby-Doo.
  27. An aunt on Halloween Eve is selecting a gift for herself at the store for two hours. The seller is barely holding back. Finally, after going through everything, the aunt decides to buy a broom. The seller asks very politely: Madame, Do I have to wrap it up or will you fly?
  28. Who are you? Kind fairy! Why with an axe? The mood is something not very kind.
  29. Two black cats are sitting on the roof on Halloween day. One says: Today is very annoying! Then the other one answers: Then let’s go outside and begin to cross the road.
  30. Garlic frightens vampires. I got drunk of garlic, went to the neighbors, and sat near the porch to chat. Pancake! They are all vampires!
  31. A boy says: Mom, Mom, I saw my grandmother! Then mom growls: How many times she told you not to dig deep in the sand.
  32. Miss Halloween, who is the scariest woman in the world: After meeting her, even bald men turn grey with horror.
  33. Two boys are talking: My grandfather was a vampire. One boy asks: How do you know? Then he says: I killed him with an aspen stake, and he died.
  34. A vampire sleeps on a black coffin. He drives up to the house by the staircase, comes to the ninth floor, rings the bell. A girl opens the door. Then a vampire enters and shouts: Give me your heart! Just kidding, joking! Would you like to purchase a disc of a new super famous superstar? Only you get a 40 percent discount! The Girl is frightened. Then he says Hey Girl, Girl! No need to turn blue! I joked about your heart!
  35. The vampire dad is teaching the vampire son to drink blood: Son, here you stick in teeth and suck, but do not suck out all the blood. Son asks: Dad, why? I want to drink all the blood. Then Dad answers: Son, we are vampires, not tax inspectors.
  36. Postcard: Dear mother-in-law! I sincerely congratulate you on your professional holiday, Halloween!”
  37. A son asks: Dad, who are the witches? Dad answers: These are such aunts with brooms. By the way, let’s go for a walk. Now the grandmother will begin cleaning.
  38. You just don’t have to confuse Halloween with March 8
  39. A fair vampire met an ogre. The vampire says: I’m not as drunk as you. I only drink blood. The man-eater ogre replies: But I don’t leave the bodies to decay.
  40. Two vampires are talking: Friend, how do you feel about that long-legged blonde? The other one replies: I love the fat man next to her. He has a liter and a half more blood.
  41. How to recognize a vampire or a person you see in a dark prison of an abandoned castle? The other one says: Shoot him with an ordinary bullet. If he dies, then it is a man, and if not, then you will die soon.
  42. On Halloween, the Girl Lucy jokingly dressed up in a confusing costume, but the next morning she counted the money she earned.
  43. Do not kill vampires! Your blood flows in them.
  44. Most of all, those who go to the cemetery to eat and drink every spring are angry at Halloween. Because we don’t go there to celebrate Halloween. We live in it.
  45. How scary to scare people on Halloween? Dress as a migration officer and go to a hostel of migrants.
  46. Who will you dress up for Halloween? The utility bill. Yes, it is horrifying.
  47. It’s not safe to walk in our area at night. But if the three of witches are not bad.
  48. For every Halloween, a fat girl has to choose what would be worse to wear?
  49. A woman comes to the magic salon. She is greeted by a colorful magician in a hoodie, with a crystal ball, and bells whistling and asked to tell the nature of the problem. The woman says: I have three children. I get only a penny at work, and my husband, such a bastard, went to an 18-year-old girl. Give me my husband back. The wizard answers her: Of course, I’ll do everything. Pay 1000 rubles to the cashier. If something goes wrong, come again. A woman pays and leaves. But she comes back in a week with rude and swelling eyes. Wizard asks from her: What happened? Has the husband never returned? She answers: He returned home, but the first one whom I buried ten years ago.
  50. Why do witches still use brooms even in the 21st century? Vacuum cleaners are just too heavy to fly.

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