Funny Jokes

Top 50 Pregnancy Jokes in 2020

Are you expecting a baby? Then have a look below to have a happy mood. It’s great for this period of pregnancy. Here you can find top funny Pregnancy Jokes that you can share your expecting friends.

  1. Wife: Imagine, our neighbour is pregnant again! Husband: It’s none of your business. Wife: Whose is it? Yours?
  2. I went into the subway. There was a pregnant girl about 8-9 months asking for donations. So I felt sorry for her. After two years, I saw her with the same belly.
  3. A girl got pregnant from a young boy and asked him to marry. He replied: Well, what are you. I’m still a young guy. It’s too early for me to get married. Then she: Bastard, you won’t marry. I’ll go to Moscow, climb the Crimean bridge and jump into the river. Suddenly he replied admiringly: Zin, I always respected this in you. You are fucking cool, and the athlete is anywhere! 
  4. Guys! Sex should be done with a woman from whom you are not worried to hear: Darling, I’m pregnant!
  5. A girl was talking with her best friend: I was at the doctor. He told me that I’m pregnant. Suddenly she asked: Have you thought of a name for the child? I’m still thinking about the last name. 
  6. Where were you born? In the hospital! 
  7. A young student announces to her parents: I am pregnant. Mom starts to shout. And father: Who is the father? Then girl replies: It will be funny for you, but I really don’t know. Last weekend, I forgot my glasses at my friend’s home, and there was a party in the dark, and there were several of them. 
  8. At a pharmacy: Please, a pregnancy test. What do you want? Negative!
  9. When a husband came home, he saw that his wife was standing naked in front of the mirror and examining her belly. Surprised husband asked: Dear! Are you out of your mind? For that, she replied: Dear, I have doubts. Either I’m pregnant, or my gases didn’t go away?
  10. Hello, John, is that you? – Yes – John, I’m pregnant! Then he replies: The wrong number dialled. The wrong number dialled. 
  11. Pregnant horses run faster because they have more horsepower.
  12. Man, there is a pregnant woman in front of you, please give her a seat. Then that man told me: Firstly, this is my wife. Secondly, I know better than you whether she is pregnant or not.
  13. A guy called his friend: Hello, Abraham! My wife got pregnant! Suddenly Abraham answered: Why are you calling me? I wasn’t even in the city that day.
  14. A wife shouts at a young servant: What, Ann, I see you are pregnant! Then Ann replies: So what? You, too. Then she asks: How can you compare it? I’m pregnant with my husband. You? Then servant replies Me too.
  15. Husband came home after office: Honey, today there was such a crush on the bus so that a pregnant woman gave birth. Then the wife answered smiling: This is nonsense. Yesterday there was such a crush so that I got pregnant.
  16. A pregnant woman and her husband came to the doctor: Is it possible to have sex during pregnancy? Then the doctor replied: During the first trimester, you can do it in a regular style. During the second trimester, you can do it like a dog, and during the third trimester, you have to limit only to the wolf’s style. The husband asked: Wolf style? What is it? Then wife replied: This is when you lie next to me and howl.
  17. My husband and I went for an ultrasound scan. He impatiently squeezes my hand. Finally, he asked nervously: When will they tell me the sex of my son? Scanner looked at him seriously and answered with silence: Your son’s gender is a girl.
  18. When did you realise that you were ready to become a father? – When my girlfriend got pregnant! 
  19. A husband comes home sadly. His wife asks: Dear, what happened? Husband: No, nothing. Then she replied: No. I see that you are excited about something. Remember, you and I are spouses. Your problems are my problems. Husband: Are you sure? Wife: Certainly. Well, come on, I’m listening. Finally, he replied: Our housekeeper is pregnant, and I do not know what to do. 
  20. A pregnant wife says to her husband: If the child looks like you, it will be a great misfortune. Then guy answers: And if the child is not like me, it will be a great misfortune for you!
  21. A lady, Lila: Hi! You can congratulate me. Then the other one says: Congratulations. And with what? Are you pregnant? After that, she replies: Yeah, so it’s you?
  22. Mom, I’m pregnant. A daughter said to her mother. She told her: you already have the fourth child, and everything is from John! Why didn’t you marry him yet? Suddenly the daughter replied: I do not like him.
  23. After hearing the phrase, “Dear, I am pregnant” in the morning, my friend John pretended to be asleep for two more days.
  24. A pregnant lady is talking to her friend: Imagine, this morning I broke a plate. I’m afraid it’s a bad sign so that it hurts my future child. Then her friend replies: You are superstitious, Lily! When my mother was pregnant with me, she broke a gramophone disk. But nothing happened to me, nothing happened.
  25. Are you getting bored? Just text “I’m pregnant!” to a random number.
  26. A wife asked her husband: Who is that screaming there so loud? The husband replied: Yes, that is our neighbour. Then she asked: Giving birth? -No, she’s getting pregnant. 
  27. Before pregnancy, I slept on my stomach! During the time of pregnancy, on the side! After giving birth, I can sleep even while standing!
  28. A pregnant wife called her husband: Dear, is it okay if we only have eggs for dinner? Husband thought: I’m trying to get into her position, although I’m hungry. Then he replied: Well, okay. Suddenly she replied: Then come and fry a couple for me too.
  29. A blonde at the pharmacy: Please give me a pregnancy test. Then the pharmacist asks: Which one you want? One that is more expensive or one that is more reliable? Then she replies: I don’t care. The main thing is that it should be negative.
  30. A midwife asks a young mother: Will the child’s father be present at the birth? Hardly. Midwife: why? Then she replies: Because my husband will be there.
  31. The pregnant wife said to her husband: I hope you don’t want to attend the birth? He replied: No, I don’t want to. Suddenly she replied: Me too 
  32. What positions are guaranteed not to get pregnant? A woman on a bed, a man on a sofa.
  33. Mom, I’m pregnant. Sorry, it happened by accident. Mom replies: You want to say that you walked down the street and fell on someone’s dick?
  34. There are two girls. One another: I did a pregnancy test yesterday. Other one asks: So how was it? Were there difficult questions?
  35. An old nobleman comes to the doctor: Doctor, I married a lovely young lady six months ago, but she can’t get pregnant. Can you give me some advice? The doctor says: How old are you, sir? 75. Oh, your wife? – She’s 25. Then he says: Here’s what I advise you. Take your wife, hire a young secretary and go on a trip for two to three months. You know, the sea air sometimes works miracles! Six months later, the old man comes to visit the doctor: Thank you so much, doctor! The sea air worked. My wife got pregnant! Then the doctor asks: Hmm, how is the young secretary doing? Suddenly older man replies: You know she’s pregnant too! The sea air works miracles! 
  36. Which girl has two brain cells? Pregnant girl.
  37. A young pregnant mother with a big belly is sitting in the tram. Her skirt is not visible at all, only naked legs. An older man goes to the exit, smiling at her and says: Daughter, you will have a son! She asks surprisingly: True, how did you know? Then he replies: Because I see a beard.
  38. My wife is pregnant! Another one says: Really? And who do you suspect? 
  39. A wedding and a funeral struck on a street. Who should give way to whom? The dead has nowhere to hurry, and on the other hand, the bride is already pregnant. 
  40. Two friends are talking: My wife is smart. She gave birth underwater! – Well, how is the child? Then he replies: We do not know. She swam away.
  41. A man married to a mermaid. She became pregnant and took her to the hospital when the time came. Then, he sat and waited in the waiting room. Other men were sitting nearby. After that, a nurse came out and told one: You have a boy. To the Other: You have two girls and that dad, whose wife is a mermaid, has half a bucket of tadpoles. Then the man came to his wife and said angrily: I’m leaving you. You always cheat me about being overweight. Then she asked crying: Stop! Think about our child. He: About what child? Then he replied: You’re not pregnant.
  42. In order not to get pregnant from me, my girlfriend has sex with other guys.
  43. A pregnant mother asks her first child: Whom would you like more, a sister or a brother? Then he replies: I would like it if it does not affect your figure, a bicycle. 
  44. A wife found out that she was pregnant. Then she tells her husband: Honey, there will be three of us soon! Suddenly he replies: I don’t want to live with my mother-in-law! My erection has just recovered!  
  45. A teacher asked her students to write a sentence in which the word “great” would be two times. Shane: Dad bought a great car so that we were having a great weekend. Masha: Dad bought a great coffee maker, and we drink great coffee every day. Little Johnny said: Yesterday at dinner my sister told us that she was pregnant and dad said: Great! Great!
  46. A pregnant woman went to an astrologer. The astrologer said after seeing her horoscope: When you give birth to the child, the child’s father will die. Lady suddenly happily said: Thank God! My husband is safe!
  47. I’m pregnant with you! Then the guy replies: How? We haven’t even slept, have we? I am in shock. 
  48. A man is thinking about a pregnancy test and suddenly remembers how his mother used to say as a child, putting on pants on him: Son, remember, two stripes are a fool! 
  49. A pregnant wife wakes up her tired husband at three in the morning: Honey, I want pomegranates. I want a lot of pomegranates! Angry husband replies: Eh, when will you finally give birth to this terrorist?
  50. Now, I am beginning to understand why pregnant women are sent on maternity leave. This is not for the welfare of the pregnant woman, but for the sake of saving work!

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