Funny Jokes

Top 50 Pregnancy Jokes in 2023

Are you expecting a baby? Then have a look below to have a happy mood. It’s great for this period of pregnancy. Here you can find top funny Pregnancy Jokes that you can share your expecting friends.

  1. Wife: Imagine, our neighbour is pregnant again! Husband: It’s none of your business. Wife: Whose is it? Yours?
  2. I went into the subway. There was a pregnant girl about 8-9 months asking for donations. So I felt sorry for her. After two years, I saw her with the same belly.
  3. A girl got pregnant from a young boy and asked him to marry. He replied: Well, what are you. I’m still a young guy. It’s too early for me to get married. Then she: Bastard, you won’t marry. I’ll go to Moscow, climb the Crimean bridge and jump into the river. Suddenly he replied admiringly: Zin, I always respected this in you. You are fucking cool, and the athlete is anywhere! 
  4. Guys! Sex should be done with a woman from whom you are not worried to hear: Darling, I’m pregnant!
  5. A girl was talking with her best friend: I was at the doctor. He told me that I’m pregnant. Suddenly she asked: Have you thought of a name for the child? I’m still thinking about the last name. 
  6. Where were you born? In the hospital! 
  7. A young student announces to her parents: I am pregnant. Mom starts to shout. And father: Who is the father? Then girl replies: It will be funny for you, but I really don’t know. Last weekend, I forgot my glasses at my friend’s home, and there was a party in the dark, and there were several of them. 
  8. At a pharmacy: Please, a pregnancy test. What do you want? Negative!
  9. When a husband came home, he saw that his wife was standing naked in front of the mirror and examining her belly. Surprised husband asked: Dear! Are you out of your mind? For that, she replied: Dear, I have doubts. Either I’m pregnant, or my gases didn’t go away?
  10. Hello, John, is that you? – Yes – John, I’m pregnant! Then he replies: The wrong number dialled. The wrong number dialled. 
  11. Pregnant horses run faster because they have more horsepower.
  12. Man, there is a pregnant woman in front of you, please give her a seat. Then that man told me: Firstly, this is my wife. Secondly, I know better than you whether she is pregnant or not.
  13. A guy called his friend: Hello, Abraham! My wife got pregnant! Suddenly Abraham answered: Why are you calling me? I wasn’t even in the city that day.
  14. A wife shouts at a young servant: What, Ann, I see you are pregnant! Then Ann replies: So what? You, too. Then she asks: How can you compare it? I’m pregnant with my husband. You? Then servant replies Me too.
  15. Husband came home after office: Honey, today there was such a crush on the bus so that a pregnant woman gave birth. Then the wife answered smiling: This is nonsense. Yesterday there was such a crush so that I got pregnant.
  16. A pregnant woman and her husband came to the doctor: Is it possible to have sex during pregnancy? Then the doctor replied: During the first trimester, you can do it in a regular style. During the second trimester, you can do it like a dog, and during the third trimester, you have to limit only to the wolf’s style. The husband asked: Wolf style? What is it? Then wife replied: This is when you lie next to me and howl.
  17. My husband and I went for an ultrasound scan. He impatiently squeezes my hand. Finally, he asked nervously: When will they tell me the sex of my son? Scanner looked at him seriously and answered with silence: Your son’s gender is a girl.
  18. When did you realise that you were ready to become a father? – When my girlfriend got pregnant! 
  19. A husband comes home sadly. His wife asks: Dear, what happened? Husband: No, nothing. Then she replied: No. I see that you are excited about something. Remember, you and I are spouses. Your problems are my problems. Husband: Are you sure? Wife: Certainly. Well, come on, I’m listening. Finally, he replied: Our housekeeper is pregnant, and I do not know what to do. 
  20. A pregnant wife says to her husband: If the child looks like you, it will be a great misfortune. Then guy answers: And if the child is not like me, it will be a great misfortune for you!
  21. A lady, Lila: Hi! You can congratulate me. Then the other one says: Congratulations. And with what? Are you pregnant? After that, she replies: Yeah, so it’s you?
  22. Mom, I’m pregnant. A daughter said to her mother. She told her: you already have the fourth child, and everything is from John! Why didn’t you marry him yet? Suddenly the daughter replied: I do not like him.
  23. After hearing the phrase, “Dear, I am pregnant” in the morning, my friend John pretended to be asleep for two more days.
  24. A pregnant lady is talking to her friend: Imagine, this morning I broke a plate. I’m afraid it’s a bad sign so that it hurts my future child. Then her friend replies: You are superstitious, Lily! When my mother was pregnant with me, she broke a gramophone disk. But nothing happened to me, nothing happened.
  25. Are you getting bored? Just text “I’m pregnant!” to a random number.
  26. A wife asked her husband: Who is that screaming there so loud? The husband replied: Yes, that is our neighbour. Then she asked: Giving birth? -No, she’s getting pregnant. 
  27. Before pregnancy, I slept on my stomach! During the time of pregnancy, on the side! After giving birth, I can sleep even while standing!
  28. A pregnant wife called her husband: Dear, is it okay if we only have eggs for dinner? Husband thought: I’m trying to get into her position, although I’m hungry. Then he replied: Well, okay. Suddenly she replied: Then come and fry a couple for me too.
  29. A blonde at the pharmacy: Please give me a pregnancy test. Then the pharmacist asks: Which one you want? One that is more expensive or one that is more reliable? Then she replies: I don’t care. The main thing is that it should be negative.
  30. A midwife asks a young mother: Will the child’s father be present at the birth? Hardly. Midwife: why? Then she replies: Because my husband will be there.
  31. The pregnant wife said to her husband: I hope you don’t want to attend the birth? He replied: No, I don’t want to. Suddenly she replied: Me too 
  32. What positions are guaranteed not to get pregnant? A woman on a bed, a man on a sofa.
  33. Mom, I’m pregnant. Sorry, it happened by accident. Mom replies: You want to say that you walked down the street and fell on someone’s dick?
  34. There are two girls. One another: I did a pregnancy test yesterday. Other one asks: So how was it? Were there difficult questions?
  35. An old nobleman comes to the doctor: Doctor, I married a lovely young lady six months ago, but she can’t get pregnant. Can you give me some advice? The doctor says: How old are you, sir? 75. Oh, your wife? – She’s 25. Then he says: Here’s what I advise you. Take your wife, hire a young secretary and go on a trip for two to three months. You know, the sea air sometimes works miracles! Six months later, the old man comes to visit the doctor: Thank you so much, doctor! The sea air worked. My wife got pregnant! Then the doctor asks: Hmm, how is the young secretary doing? Suddenly older man replies: You know she’s pregnant too! The sea air works miracles! 
  36. Which girl has two brain cells? Pregnant girl.
  37. A young pregnant mother with a big belly is sitting in the tram. Her skirt is not visible at all, only naked legs. An older man goes to the exit, smiling at her and says: Daughter, you will have a son! She asks surprisingly: True, how did you know? Then he replies: Because I see a beard.
  38. My wife is pregnant! Another one says: Really? And who do you suspect? 
  39. A wedding and a funeral struck on a street. Who should give way to whom? The dead has nowhere to hurry, and on the other hand, the bride is already pregnant. 
  40. Two friends are talking: My wife is smart. She gave birth underwater! – Well, how is the child? Then he replies: We do not know. She swam away.
  41. A man married to a mermaid. She became pregnant and took her to the hospital when the time came. Then, he sat and waited in the waiting room. Other men were sitting nearby. After that, a nurse came out and told one: You have a boy. To the Other: You have two girls and that dad, whose wife is a mermaid, has half a bucket of tadpoles. Then the man came to his wife and said angrily: I’m leaving you. You always cheat me about being overweight. Then she asked crying: Stop! Think about our child. He: About what child? Then he replied: You’re not pregnant.
  42. In order not to get pregnant from me, my girlfriend has sex with other guys.
  43. A pregnant mother asks her first child: Whom would you like more, a sister or a brother? Then he replies: I would like it if it does not affect your figure, a bicycle. 
  44. A wife found out that she was pregnant. Then she tells her husband: Honey, there will be three of us soon! Suddenly he replies: I don’t want to live with my mother-in-law! My erection has just recovered!  
  45. A teacher asked her students to write a sentence in which the word “great” would be two times. Shane: Dad bought a great car so that we were having a great weekend. Masha: Dad bought a great coffee maker, and we drink great coffee every day. Little Johnny said: Yesterday at dinner my sister told us that she was pregnant and dad said: Great! Great!
  46. A pregnant woman went to an astrologer. The astrologer said after seeing her horoscope: When you give birth to the child, the child’s father will die. Lady suddenly happily said: Thank God! My husband is safe!
  47. I’m pregnant with you! Then the guy replies: How? We haven’t even slept, have we? I am in shock. 
  48. A man is thinking about a pregnancy test and suddenly remembers how his mother used to say as a child, putting on pants on him: Son, remember, two stripes are a fool! 
  49. A pregnant wife wakes up her tired husband at three in the morning: Honey, I want pomegranates. I want a lot of pomegranates! Angry husband replies: Eh, when will you finally give birth to this terrorist?
  50. Now, I am beginning to understand why pregnant women are sent on maternity leave. This is not for the welfare of the pregnant woman, but for the sake of saving work!

John Max

John Max is the founder of TimesHQ and former senior engineer of WhatsApp. He wrote many e books and well known for many mobile app developments. He is very professional in both software and mobile app development field. 

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